Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Santa had a dream of buying a motorised sleigh   Leave a comment


Santa had a dream of buying motorised sleigh

and was penny-pinching on the night

before christmas day

 

 

just as his reindeer decided to go on strike

on that fateful evening before christmas night

 

 

they complained so bitterly

of all the hard work they had  done throughout the year

and wages weren’t good enough

to buy  food and beer

 

you want us to work

you had better bring on

the christmas cheer

 

what do you mean I pay you a decent wage

what gruel, stale water and yesterdays stew

we want the pounds not the pence

 

hooves stamped up and down santa sat crying tears

why now why this year

 

 

you will  have all the  children

crying and buckets fall of tears

 

enough is enough

Rudolph was heard to say

as hooves stamped up and down

while santa cried with dismay

 

well Ebenezer santa Scrooge give us a pay rise

and well move our hooves

we have basic rights just like you

 

 

christmas comes but once a year

so how about some christmas cheer

 

 

so steak and chips  and with plenty  off beer

and lots  mulled wine and decent pay

and we will stay and work for you today

 

 

with a christmas bonus thrown in too

is this too much to ask off you

 

 

and not a pot of gruel and stale water each day

do we deserve to be treated this way

 

 

we know are rights and we are being abused

as hooves stamped up and down

 

 

too a chorus off

we are not amused

we are not amused

 

 

pounds and pence

pounds and pence

not gruel and stew

 

well Ebenezer santa Scrooge

 

if you want these presents delivered by christmas day

you had better make a decision

and we will be on our way

 

 

or they’re will be riots this christmas day

as children and parents bitterly complain

and unions will end up sacking you

 

 

your monopoly over christmas and presents

would have had its day

that would be the end of santa s  rule

over christmas day

 

no more santa s he heh he

the story will appear in the papers

for people to see

 

 

as Rudolph and his rebellious reindeer’s

had the last laugh going on strike

on christmas eve

 

as Ebenezer santa Scrooge

retired to count his losses today

 

 

the story of santa clause

had long passed away

 

 

an old tradition ruined

by a naughty reindeer

and his wicked ways

 

moral of story is give your staff

a decent pay

 

 

or suffer same fate this christmas day

 

floppy eared rabbits dinner for two   2 comments


Rabbits running riot running so free

 

 

cute little bunnies very sweet like you

made nice little dinner and a snack or two

 

 

only problem was fur gets between my teeth

whilst hopping so madly whilst i am trying to eat

 

if they weren’t so cute and didn’t hop so madly

I would have let them run free

 

 

then christmas dinner  would have been so sad

on what would have been such a good day

 

 

would have been turned mad

with floppy eared carrot crunchers

driving me mad

running riot with carrots battering the cats

 

 

the fur would have flown meowing mercifully

the christmas day would have been ruined

with mad rabbits on the loose crucifying

sweet little pussy

 

 

 

terri my reply to chrsitmas rabbits poem

THE OWL AND PUSSY CAT WENT TO SEA   1 comment


The owl and the pussy cat went to sea

he was hooting

because he was so dam horny

pussy was pleased because she came too

the dam horny owl  was such a good screw

he hooted she meowed and he flapped all day

well she purred and meowed

after each orgasm that  she had that day

they set sail bon voyage for a day at sea

little did she know what he had planned

and now six months  later

she has to face reality

mad hooting firballs

that fly around the home each day

hooting like mad and purring away

such a strange sight to see

there’s a moral to this story

you see

next time you have sex

make it safe too

wear a condom

and this wont happen to you

as an unexpected sexual encounter

may leave facing reality

just like the owl and pussy cat

that went to sea

THE DAY THE KITTENS CAME OUT TO PLAY   9 comments


They were sat in the kitchen

when an intruder walked in

ginnie and Jennie

said let fun begin

with a leap and pounce

much to its surprise

they had found a new  toy

this one was alive

its squealed and it jumped

they pounce with joy

well this is much better than any of our toys

it made a dash across the room

but soon realised it was there was no escape

as one pounced and the battered it too

they had caught their first mouse

it had no right in their room

it had no chance to survive and I couldn’t get near it too

as the pair of them ran off with it

and claimed victory too

ginnie and Jennie one mouse nil

was the score that day the moral of this story

is there is no room at the flat

for mice to stay

when ginnie and Jennie

come out to play.

LATEST SCORE 2 -0

KITTENS WIN CAT AND MOUSE LEAGUE THIS SEASON.  PEST CONTROL REF COULDNT STOP THE RIOT ON THE PITCH  KITTENS SENT OFF FOR UNREASONABLE BEHAVIOUR.

Have you ever felt guilty in life for haveing something to eat   2 comments


Have you ever felt guilty in life for having some thing to eat

as eyes appear by your side and start scratching your feet

the cute ball of fluff is sitting there and manoeuvering around

having a good stare

like the advert on tv

when the man opens the milk and all the cats

turn up for a drink

in my case it was tin of mackerel

and her name was ginnie she is   5 month old kitten

two seconds ago she was now where to be seen

then the moment that tin was opened she was there

harassing me

from every angle but she didn’t care

with a nose like radar

she homed in on the tin

bangs goes my peaceful lunch

as i am now as guilty as sin.

a true story of what happened to-day ginnie the kitten. from Kevin

THEY DARED TO LOOK   3 comments


They dare to look and venture to

what a shock I heard there comments too

they thought I was asleep

they were mistaken too

they were reading my blog and my poetry too

i didn’t know he was religious

well sort of he is

isn’t he deep

his poetry is good

they thought I was asleep

what a shock someone had when they walked in

I looked at them and said

you have aired my dirty laundry out in public havent you

reading my poetry and passing comments too

a grin was witnessed and face went red with embarrassment too

a certain lady realized she had been rumbled and couldn’t argue too

so beware when you have family around and visitors too

they may have sneaky read of your blog

and pass comments too and make polite conversation

and talk about you too.

oh dear that’s it so embarrassing too

nowhere to hide or run too

my secret life of blogger and poet

is now in tatters too.

EASTER IS FOR BUNNYS AND CHOCOLATE TO IF THIS DOESNT MAKE YOU LAUGH YOUR VERY SAD TO   1 comment


Easter is for bunnies and chocolate too

Easters is for hopping mad people

eating lots of chocolate like you

and what happens when chocolates gone

oh dear withdrawal symptoms set in and denial to

my you have put on weight my dear

don’t deny it I can see it on you

what do you mean my dear

well either you have put on weight

no dear your dreams have come true

what do you mean my dear

you a father shock horror

my nightmares come true

excuse me dear

I have news for you

marriage is over and divorce is due

I  am of to solicitors

its good-bye to you.

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

BY THE LEFT HAND...

Brett Kristian

Luna

Pen to paper.

Dr. K. L. Register

Just a small town girl who writes about Christian stuff.

I love music

.......When words fail,music speaks......

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

journeyinrhyme

Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Maverick Mist

Intertwined passions ~

From the Heart of Life

Inspiration and Advice for Life

Rippled Words

a harp unstrung

Erika Fuego

To Love Yourself is your Greatest Revolution.

- MIKE STEEDEN -

THE DRIVELLINGS OF TWATTERSLEY FROMAGE

Seasons and Impressions

and Other Poems by Cynthia Ann Katon-Alfonso

Of Love and Longing

...inspired poetry from rambling thoughts...

Not Just A Blonde

We are "Not Just" who we seem to be on this Earthly plane, but so much more. We are ALL children of a loving God who is calling us home to Love. This blog is dedicated to those of us on that journey together...

Audio SeXXX

Eargasms found here!

Anne's Poetry space

Poetry from the Heart

Elizabeth Melton Parsons

Writing~Art~Life

Elle Ever After

My Whereabouts, Words, Walks and Wisdom of sorts.

gabrielsfury

poems & stories, thoughts about people and places between moments of clarity, or not.

Richard M. Ankers - Author

I write because I must

Renee Writes Here

It's okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.

Busy Mind Thinking

Wait! What?!

CoreyPonders

A Young Man From Wales That Writes Poetry......

Viv d' Biggest Dreamer

I will never surrender!!!

Best Romantic Pics

Smile! You’re at The Best Romantic Blog Ever

Kathleen's Writings & Art

Poetry, Art and Photography

HASTYWORDS

Life is Hard

A Humanist's perspective

The thoughts of a Secular Humanist

My NightShade

Step into the darkness, Shine.

mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Poetry On A Roll

"free-verse" poetry from the soul

Letters To Dionysus

I'm a nightmarist, baby.

Holiday places

Holiday destinations

valeriu dg barbu

©valeriu barbu

Writing in Color

Because Life is More than Black and White

willowdot21

An insight to a heart mind and soul.

mysteryofwriting

Poet of Midnight invites you to read...

soumyav

Life..feelings ..emotions..inspiration...motivation.. & .spirituality

Poems & People

what if poems could be symphonies, and people their orchestra?

Jenny's Serendipity Art Blog

"The Art of Making Happy Discoveries"

%d bloggers like this: